This is crazy ;
Do you mean it ? It’s wonderful hearing you say those words to me. They are like feathers on my skin, making me giggle and smile. Those words, full of possibilities are intoxicating my mind, making me vulnerable to your next assault. They cherish me with love and leave me speechless. You are persuading me to trust you again with your kind manners. I know you are. You are winning me back and I can’t seem to get free from your grip. You’re confident on your ways of having me back. But wherever there is trust… there is also betrayal.
I don’t want to know what you are going to do if your plan is to disappoint me. I don’t want to hear your empty promises words. I don’t want to hold on when you are going to let go any moment. But most of all, I don’t want to hope, expect and believe on something that will not happen. Prove me that forever exist. Because right now, it’s a meaningless word to me. Earn my love and trust back. Because you won’t get them that easily. Make yourself worthy of me.
But I’m not delusional.
**I’m sorry, I completely forgot to update yesterday ! I was so busy doing my project that Tumblr just went off my mind.
So last Sunday, I went to this birthday party ! It was the Mom of Shane’s 50th birthday and I couldn’t tell how much fun I had in the last couple of hours…
By 11 AM, my aunt (Shane’s Mom), Shane, my Mom and me went home after church to get ready. I still wasn’t decided on two dresses but my Mom insisted I wear the one with the pink belt. Aunt B and S came back from the parlor at around 1 PM and we started taking before-the-party pictures. I was half way ready (I had to do my project while I still could while they were at the parlor) when they came and fully unprepared when we were about to leave. I had to rush (I hate that) while putting my makeup and clothes on.
We arrived at the place at around 2 and I was assigned to do this lame “job” on asking people if they can write a birthday message to this fancy notebook. I literally got so bored and wanted to go home. I practically stayed half of the evening with my cousins and didn’t do anything at all. It sucks when you don’t know many people at a party… Plus my dress keeps falling because it was a tube dress and my heels were killing me. How annoying is that ?
Shane was my party savior when she introduced me to her friends. It was awkward at the beginning because I literally didn’t know them and they were all older than me. I’m glad she did though, her friends are amazing and we had so much fun playing random games and taking photos ! Basically, I only took photos of them and not me because the’re were too busy posing and I didn’t mind at all even though I wish we took a group picture… Anyway. We were five, three girls (Shane, Liselle—we call her Zhelle—and me) and two guys (Leo and Mark). S and M are dating, Z has a boyfriend and L recently broke up with his girlfriend. So thank goodness, I’m not the only one single, aha ! With just a few hours chilling, talking and simply goofing around together, I feel like I’ve known them forever. I am soo glad I met them. Definitely a night to remember.
So we planned on going out the five of us somewhere. It’s still undecided because S and I are super busy with our piano and guitar recital respectively and all of us still has exams to do. But hopefully, we will chill sometime soon !
i don’t think there’s much to see..! aha (:
You guys have NO idea how much fun I had at the party ! Update will be posted tomorrow because right now, I am supper exhausted..
HUGS&KISSSES, Camille <3
The term “bestfriend” is very foreign and it practically is insignificant to me. I wouldn’t qualify anyone as my best friend, I’d rather call them “good friends” or simply “friends”.
There are a lot of reasons why it’s meaningless to me. If you had read my story, you would know why. But in quick words, I was bullied and it was since that time I developed trust issues. I am very secretive and I don’t let my deepest secrets out just to anyone, preferring keeping them to myself. My life has been a huge puzzle and whoever knows a piece of it, they wouldn’t understand it quite well because they don’t have the next piece. I make it sound very vague to not stir the interest of the person. One of my friends even told me I am very mysterious which is half true because for a moment I can be as talkative as a magpie.
But back to the “friend” topic (that was just to tell you guys why the term “bestfriend” is senseless to me). A friend of mine asked me if I could be her best friend and there was a lot of hesitation in my mind. I told her I have never had a best friend and my reasons why and she said she could be my first. I finally let her but there is still hesitation in my decision. She’s probably reading this right now (sorry L) and I don’t know what she’s thinking. But just because I don’t consider anyone as my best friend doesn’t mean they don’t have my trust (not all though). And despite being a forgivable person, second chances to me has to be earned in a hard way.
